STAGES OF LEAVING – Part 1 – Rogue Wave Emotions
It feels like we have been in the process of leaving for months…. with the emotional upheaval that ensues. I have such mixed feelings about going. I am leaving everything I enjoy – a great job on my own terms with colleagues I like working with; my family close by for coffee, dinner and family celebration meet-ups, including the grandkids whom I currently see weekly; the summer island life and community of really great friends; my hiking group of adventurous, like-minded women; other Toronto based friends including fun ex-FTI colleagues – now close friends; a great city with so much to offer – arts and culture, an array of dining experiences, festivals and parks; our summer mooring at QCYC with club activities and our park setting, beaches, and playground for Mia and Sam’s fun-time sleepovers.
I am leaving all that, uprooting myself again, for what? For not knowing where we will be when, for unsettled weather dominating our lives, for anxious entrances to new ports, for occasional storms that terrify us, for fixing the boat in exotic locations. On the other hand I tell myself it is for the romance of travel and adventure while we are still of reasonably sound body and mind. If not now, then when? I prepare a little movie for Steve’s retirement party with pictures of our previous trip. It is really affirming and I feel great about what we are doing…looking at highlights of our last voyage, the wonders we encountered, the new places, new friends, new experiences.
Some people say to me “You are so lucky to be able to do this”. It has nothing to do with luck. It is about hard work, saving and self-sacrifice over many years to fulfill our dream. And most of all it is about living a purpose-driven life, sticking to your goals even when it is easier to bail – and when your emotions cause you to waver.
I know I will be fine once we leave and are “out there”…I will relax, settle into the unsettled routine of not knowing where we will be when, and enjoy each new adventure as we continue to build a lifetime of great memories which will keep us smiling as we rock in our chairs for years to come.